The Big Why

July 29, 2011




It's always easier to look back
Through all the twists and turns
That one might take
On the road to... now...
On the road to... tomorrow...
And reap thanks... or regrets...
About... a right turn...
A wrong turn...
A missed road sign
That left one stranded
In the middle of nowhere...
Or... perchance...
Found one at the top of a hill
With a beautiful view...

We think of our lives
As the center of our own story...
What life is... to us...
And look at our successes...
And our failures...
As... a personal definition
Of all that we are...
When... really...
We are so much more than ourselves.
We are pieces of everything.

But, now and then...
We stop... and look... and ask...
"Why?"
We ask... the big... "why?"

To even ask... this "why"...
Is to acknowledge some...
Some order... in the universe...
Some... stream of truth...
Some... wave of reality...
Some... will...
That rules our lives...
And beyond all of our efforts
To forge through it...
It carries us away with it...
Until it has its way.

For me...
I've spent a lifetime... asking why...
Asking... the big "why."
It is every bit like...
Living in a big dark room
And searching every inch
For that window...
For that door...
For that light...
Feeling every inch of that room...
Feeling every moment of that dark.
I am... like anyone... searching...
For the light.

I've thought about all our lives.

What we might think...
If our life has come to naught...
If we find ourselves come
To some low conclusion...
Wasted away...
Ruined...
Beyond salvation...
On the street...
Eeking away every moment
Like an empty barrel
Rolling down the street
Making a hollow sound...
Nothing left to give...

What we might think...
Is that...
Our lives were a waste...
Nothing but bad...
Full of hurt for ourselves
And everyone else...
When... really...
There was that one moment...
There was that one moment
Of light...
That we arrived at... by chance...
There was that one moment
Where we did that... one thing...
We said that one kind word...
Where... we... became the light
In the dark
For someone...
Who was lost... in the dark, too...
Who was down on the ground, too...
Who... lived again...
Because... we... were there.

The meaning of all that we are
Is more than our fateful conclusions...
It is written in those little
Moments of light...
That sit at the bottom
Of our dark and empty barrel...
That make light
All the more beautiful to see...
Because... we... have seen it...
And we have become it...
In spite of everything else
That put us... in that...
Oh, so dark and lonely room.

And... silly us...
We may never see
The answer...
To our own...
Big "why."




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